A few random ramblings…

Was walking through the Myer Centre at lunch today when I witnessed something that got me thinking… about men, women, and how ridiculous the dating game can be.

So, what happened?

These two young women, in their late teens, no older than 20 years old (that’s for sure) were walking by me when this young guy (about the same age as the two girls, possibly younger) ran up to one and asked…

“Excuse me, what’s your name?”

Without pause she answers, “Ariel”

And it was what happened next that left me shaking my head as I kept on walking…

What did he do? Simple, as soon as she answered with her name, he asked her…

“Ariel, can I have your phone number?”

Without blinking or taking time to consider, she shot him down and left his smoking wreck of an approach twitching on the foodcourt floor.

So I now ask the class this question: where did he go wrong?

Was it the random approach?

Was it the fact that he hasn’t finished puberty and looked like a ‘before’ picture for a Clearasil ad?

Nope… his mistake was going straight for the prize… asking outright for the girls number. Rather than building up to it, he’s played his hand straight away and she’s shot him down…. and rightly so. No person who’s got half a brain is going to give out their phone number to a total stranger straight off the bat. The old adage of ‘only one chance to make a first impression’ is rarely more true than in those first moments when we try to impress someone we’re attracted to.

And this is where dating becomes a ridiculous subject of trial and error learning. What works in one situation for one person, most likely won’t work in another, even when all the other variables are the same. Random hookups are the least likely way to meet a prospective partner nowadays, mainly because the probability of hitting all the right buttons in just the right way on the first attempt are so remote, that flapping your arms and flying to Hawaii would have a higher chance of success.

Over the years since my marriage ended I’ve been involved with a number of women. I won’t say how many exactly, since a) it’s not relevant, and b) it’s nobody elses business. Suffice to say that there have been a couple of serious relationships, a few short term couplings, a fair share of the ‘deep and meaningful 24hr relationships’… and one or two ‘coyote’ mornings where I dared not move for fear of waking the woman involved.

I even got engaged at one point, contemplating the possibility of starting a family as well.

Scary stuff. (The kids, not the engagement)

But to all things, there is a time, a place and a reason. We may not always see what the lesson was that we are meant to learn, but each person that crosses our path does so because they have something to offer us… short or long term. Sometimes we understand, more often we don’t.

And this is where experience comes into play.

When I first started dating again, a friend suggested joining some of the dating sites that have sprung up on the internet. Never has the ‘first impression’ rule been so applicable than in this arena.

One poorly worded expression of your character, desires, hobbies or psyche… one ill chosen photo… one click of a mouse and ‘the one’ can easily be ‘the one that never was’.

Now, I’ll give this young lad credit… he’s had the stones to walk up to a total stranger and try to spark something up. That takes courage, which is probably why young Ariel didn’t worry about giving him her name. What he should have then done is backed up that courage by offering to buy her a cup of coffee, ask if she and her friend would like to join him for lunch or something equally innocuous, in an attempt to try and get to know her before going for gold.

But I guess that the lesson that can only be learned the hard way… like so many others in life.