Ode (owed) to my Id.
Been thinking about the things that drive people to do the things that they do.
Desires, wants, needs, influences, motivations, fears, circumstances… everything.
And, of course, the aspects that come from within… the psyche, the war between id and ego… the little voices that speak the words of the demon on one shoulder, and the angel of our better natures on the other.
All this towards one end; I’m trying to understand some things, because I’m growing ever weary of the confusion that comes from not understanding what’s happening around me and why people do the things they do.
See, in my more cynical moments, I have a basic solution to this kind of confusion; hard drugs and heavy weaponary… either alone or in combination. The nett affect is the same; problem gone = problem solved.
Thankfully, neither I nor anyone I’ve ever made that wise crack in front of, has ever taken those comments seriously. They do, however, highlight my current frustration.
To that end, I recently contemplated a suggestion made by more than a few different people on separate occassions; taking the Myers-Briggs tests to better understand myself.
For those of you unfamiliar with Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) tests, they essentially boil down the various traits of a person into 2 dichotomoies in each of 4 different categories, leading to one of 16 possible types. I’d reccomend taking the time to read the Wikipedia entry on it if you want to know more.
Normally I’d say anything that better helps you understand yourself a little better has got to be a good thing. However, in this instance, I already know that the results will be like those from most other standardised testing that I’ve taken in life.
For example, during my third year at university I meandered and struggled with my chosen course, eventually dropping out due to a number of circumstances and influences. When I returned, I mentioned to the student counsellor assigned to me that I was rudderless when it came to my choice of studies and future career. Consequently we sat down and I did two things: an aptitude test and an intelligence test.
Whilst the intelligence test results were flattering, the aptitude test was inconclusive. With aptitudes in a variety of areas, I was told I could do anything I wanted… the only problem: I had no idea what I wanted.
Ultimately, those test results were the career equivalent of a heart rate monitor flatlining… with little hope of resuscitating my interest in studies and consequently leading to another semester struggling for motivation, only this time fate in the form of a poorly driven luxury 4WD was the cause of my retiring from study. I’ve yet to return, and it’s something I often find myself wondering about, despite the fact that anything I’ve learned is now less than relevant and any credit long since expired.
And that’s why I’ve previously treated psychologically testing with a certain degree of disdain. Don’t misunderstand, I appreciate the value that it can bring to an individual… I just haven’t found any value in it for me so far… and I’m certainly not going to go all Tom Cruise and froth at the mouth on the topic. Psychology and Psychiatry have illuminated a number of areas of the human condition and made possible understanding about ourselves that was previously closed to all but an enlightened few.
See, for me, because of my inherent resistance to these kinds of test, my subconscious gets a mischievous grin and starts playing merry havoc… the result of which is my skewing results into the most unproductive and ridiculous of ends, and ultimately defeating the purpose for taking the tests in the first place.
As they say, a little knowledge can be dangerous, and in the case of the MBTI tests, never were truer words spoken. With various people having suggested them to me, each has made their own prediction as to the type I would come up as… and all have been different, based solely on their unique, and in some cases, limited perceptions of me.
And so I sat down with my partner the other night, and looked at the various types, examining the characteristics typically assigned to each type… and one thing became abundantly clear.
I’m not an easy person to label.
And this would certainly explain much of the difficulty of experienced in life. Human beings, by their very natured, label anything and everything they encounter in life… objects, experiences, people, everything. I’ve spoken previously about being a bit of a chameleon at university, and having been mislabelled and misrepresented at school… and this test reinforces the fluidity and adaptability that has shaped my life. With the exception of 3 or 4 of the 16 MBTI types, I could easily fit into any of the types described by the ‘typical’ characteristics.
I’d also be willing to bet that I’d easily jump from one side of the 50th percentile to the other with relative ease, jumping between the two dichotomies in each category almost at whim, some far more easily than others. It also highlights my inherent need for balance, and striking that balance in any environment I’ve been dropped into.
Unfortunatley, for me, it makes understanding myself (beyond my adaptability) rather difficult… and further underscores the rudderless nature of my professional life.
It also means, that because I tend to have a fluid perspective on things, able to look at a problem from all angles, that I find it difficult to understand people and their motivations for the various things that they do… which brings me, finally, to the Id.
The Id, and I’m paraphrasing and pop-psychology summarising at best here, is your base-level needs and desires… food, sex, pleasurable gratification in any form, survival and ultimately death (in it’s various forms). Again, go to Wikipedia for a better treatise.
I think the Id represents the most fundamental, direct and objective drive for anyone… and to it I say ‘Thank you’… for the simple reason that many of my best decisions have been under the direction of my Id.
Which is more than I can say for my ego.
